The Boomerang Principle…

The only people who probably know and obsess over the ‘boomerang principle’ are people who have been bitten, and have had their hearts broken one too many times.  It is basically the law of cause and effect: whatever you send out into life comes back to you in one form or another. Some people call it Karma, mostly people with a lot of drama…

I met Ola in 2009, my final year in the University. I attended one of the private Universities founded under the auspices of the Church. It wasn’t a romantic love-at-first sight meeting. I was bored during one of our regular mandatory mid-week chapel services. It had become such a monotonous routine. He was sitting in front of me and somehow I could tell he was bored as well. Ihuoma, my close friend whom I usually attended these services with was sitting beside me. She knew him from God knows where and had somewhat started a conversation. They seemed engrossed in whatever it was they were discussing. At first I wasn’t interested. He didn’t seem flashy or interesting, I liked flashy and interesting…

“Isi, would you like to play?” I heard a voice ask. It was the boring uninteresting guy sitting in front of me! Uhmm…how did he even know my name? I smiled and looked into his bloodshot eyes. “Of course” I said with my award-winning fake smile. His friend excitedly tore out a sheet of paper and scribbled some lines passing the sheet across to me. “What is this, I asked? I don’t know how it’s played?” I said, mildly interested. “Really? You don’t know X and O? You didn’t play this game as a child?” Ola responded. I could see the disapproving look in his eyes. Apparently, he must have assumed I was putting up a front. I got slightly irritated, my lips twitched, I had the perfect riposte…but I was in chapel and had to be polite. “I had a sheltered childhood” I replied instead. He wouldn’t see the link, but whatever! He said something and I said something… Somehow, we kept saying things till the end of the chapel service.

As Ihuoma and I walked back to the hostel, I asked, “what’s that guy’s name again?” “What guy?” she asked. “Duh, the one in the red tee, the one we played games with.” “Oh! Ola? Remi Suileman’s brother? Don’t you know him?”she said, sounding astonished.

“Am I supposed to know him, I asked? I don’t even know who the Remi Sulieman is!”

“He was in the scholar’s team with you and Dr. Ezeagu” she said with unbelief. I really didn’t know what the fuss was or why Ihuoma was so surprised I didn’t remember him. Then it hit me…“OMG! Wait…he is the guy that flocks around Nike isn’t he?” Nike was my course mate who was in the scholar’s team as well. Ihuoma was right, how could I have forgotten? I remember thinking how weird it was that he always scurried around Nike like a wounded puppy, especially since it was popular knowledge that Nike had a boyfriend.

“Does he follow Nike around? Haba!” Ihuoma said with a reproving look. I laughed and stuck out my tongue.

I literally dragged Ihuoma to chapel for the rest of the term and insisted we track Ola and sit next to him. It was easy, he always sat around the same area, and wore the same red t-shirt always, despite the fact that his titanic nipples viciously poked through them each time.

We did not have the same circle of friends, but somehow we stayed in touch and exchanged numbers before leaving university. I don’t know how it started, but before long, we were referring to each other as “my love”, “sweetheart”, “the only air I release after eating beans” and other cliché endearments and phrases. It was just for fun as we didn’t really mean it. We were platonic friends. Before long though, Ola won a bet to kiss me. I had mixed feelings; Ola wasn’t exactly my idea of a first kiss. I wanted something romantic, we were just friends, it wouldn’t be exhilarating…but oh well, a deal was a deal and I don’t go back on my commitments…

As promised, Ola came to Lagos (he lived in Abuja at the time) and we went to the cinema in Lekki. We saw Jumping the Broom. He kept staring at me all through the movie. At intervals, he would try to tilt my face towards his. I didn’t know what that was about, it was distracting and I didn’t know why he insisted on it. Each time he did I would give him a smile and return my gaze to the movie. I didn’t want to tell him off, he paid for the movie…plus, he was my pal,and I was fond of him. As we walked out of the viewing room, he held my hand and then told me he would be leaving shortly for his Masters in the UK. I wasn’t surprised, he had tried to keep it a secret but I had heard from other close sources. He asked why I kept pushing his hand off my face. “Don’t you want me to kiss you?” “Oh! So that’s what that was about?” I responded laughing, he wasn’t laughing… “Do you expect me to kiss you in a crowded cinema, in Lekki where I work and live? Well that’s not going to happen! Ola shook his head at me…

Two years later,while scrolling through my BBM, I see Nike’s recent update: “My friend Ola has just made my day”. I am shocked. Ola is back? I mean he had called me like 3 or 4 times in the last 2 years but not letting me know he was back! Wow! I buzzed Nike and got his number, then called him. I must have sounded really upset because he called back and appologized profusely. He had good reasons…he always did. In the following weeks, we talk quite often, but he would bore me each time. The time and distance had certainly killed some of the fondness…

At this time, I was having problems with my boyfriend, he had cheated on me and tried to justify it with the fact that I was unwilling to have sex with him. Drama! On a whim, I buzz Ola and told him all about it. It was a bit awkward at first, because I was not one to give details about my personal life to just anyone. Aside from the fact I thought it would rekindle our closeness, I also needed a neutral point of view. He called me immediately. “Isi, you cannot teach a man how to behave, he is a grown man, he has a head, he knows what he is doing, and he knows what he wants.  He will only change his mind if and when he wants to, not because you have asked him to or because of what you do with or for him.” He then told me he was coming to Lagos for a 1-year training and was going to visit me to see my new apartment (I had just started living alone) and to get the kiss that I owed him from the bet he won well over 2 years. I was shocked he had not forgotten about the kiss. I laughed and told him I will not kiss him. I was still in a vulnerable place and needed to find out if there was anything worth saving in my relationship…

Yes, I let him kiss me! He seemed like a breath of fresh air, he was simple and honest, nothing like my ex. On my 27^th birthday, he surprised me with a cake. Although I got other cakes and gifts from other guys, I was overwhelmed with his efforts. His training place was in Badagry, but he would come spend the weekend in Lekki at least once in 2 weeks. The times we were apart, he would keep in touch, send me nice messages, and call me at work. I was falling in love with him…

My closest friends didn’t like him. Onome particularly.“I can’t believe you are settling for this dude Isi. He is short, black, ugly, timid…what is it? He is not physically attractive in any way! He has flabby arms, stretch marks and hips like a woman, don’t you see these things?! He is poaching your awesomeness and turning you into this dry person you are becoming.” Onome’s words got me livid. Why did he think it was okay to talk about Ola that way? “He is not ugly! He gives me balance…” I replied slowly, a way to stifle the surging anger. “Balance? Anyone can give you balance if you let them. Why do you think you even need balance? Is that what he told you? Isi, where are you? Where is your head? This dude is a hindrance. Oh God! Do you know how many people you have turned down because of him? Has he even committed himself to you in anyway? What is wrong with you, he does not deserve you and deep down, I’m sure you know it. Are you that lonely? ‘Cos it’s only loneliness that can make you find that boy attractive!”Onome was always dramatic, but I could see he was genuinely pained. His torrent of questions irritated and drove me mad. “Get out!” I said. “Leave now, if you still want us to have a friendship”. He didn’t hesitate at all, Onome left immediately, but I spent the whole day with a myriad thoughts.

Ola and I had just survived the fight we had after I found out I was 16 months older than him and he kept it from me. It was that much of a big deal. I was also battling with an “I-want-to-get-married phase” and trying so hard to manage it so that it doesn’t affect my relationship with Ola. All my sisters got married at 27, I was 27 and still single with no prospective suitor in sight. I was ridden with the fear that I would be single forever. I had confided my fears in Ola, but was disappointed as he did not try to help me deal with it as a close friend would. Instead of listening and giving advice to help me regain sanity on the matter, he took his own personal meaning from it and started to withdraw from me. Maybe he thought my mentioning it was me hinting at marriage? Onome was right! I had to know what we were doing.

That weekend, Ola visited. I noticed something was a bit off, but I just couldn’t place my hands on what it was. We made out as usual, but I wouldn’t go any further. He knew I was saving myself for marriage, but I could see that my refusal to do certain things he considered basic, was putting a huge strain on whatever it was we had. “Ola, I need to know what we’re doing, so I’ll know how to structure my mind. If we don’t define this, it’s going to be hard for me to respond to your affections the way I would want to. ” He wore a resigned look and did not give any response. “What are we doing, I asked? Dating? Or are we Friends with Benefits?” I asked, almost a little too desperately. “None of the above” he retorted. “What do you mean by none of the above? Are you saying we are still just friends?”

Surprisingly, I was getting hurt instead of irritated as I would on a normal day. “Isi, just let things flow, let’s just go with the flow”. That was the worst possible thing he could have said! Immediately, my mind went to Toke Makinwa’s clip on men who want you to go with the flow… I could feel the intensity of the blood flowing to my head… How did I get myself into this?

 

To be continued…